If someone asks to do something nice for you, say sure and thank you. Sometimes people want to do that and it may come off as rude if you say no.

For myself, I feel bashful and often decline, but if it’s a friend or peer and unless you absolutely don’t want it, it may be better to say yes and express gratitude.

If you’re in between you can hedge it with “I appreciate the offer, but I don’t want to inconvenience you.” That way, you can give them an out.

If they insist, you can accept their offer and thank them

If they don’t, then their offer is appreciated

I’m not very good at complaining. So I rely on some fundamental rules to help me out which I think is helpful. I’m honestly probably not the best person to take advice from, but there are two points I always keep in mind.

1. Always be courteous

You can be frustrated or angry, but don’t let it show or vent on another person. Think of it this way: do you want to yell at the person who is trying to help you? If a situation arises that upsets you, the person who can fix it may not be the person who caused it. And even if the did cause it, being courteous can do a lot further than being rude. Sometimes though, it doesn’t always work. That leads me to rule 2

2. Who you complain to is just as important as how you complain.

“Knowing the right person to complain to is often better than just complaining because you know you should.” Read that line somewhere and it really resonated with me. Sometimes the person you’re complaining to doesn’t have any power to help you. In that case, it is better to escalate up the ladder to someone who has more power, or someone who can help you. And when you talk to someone that can help you, it’s going to go a lot farther if you bring up your case is a calm, collected manner explaining the situation. You can said that you’re disappointed or upset at something, but be reasonable with how you convey it. People are more likely to help you if you’re nice to them. It’s a general rule, but more important as you move up the food chain

If you tie our identity or self worth to your job, you are setting yourself up for failure on multiple fronts. If you leave your job, you will lose part of your identity/self worth. This will have a negative impact on your mental health. Also, maintaining your job is ultimately outside your control. The economy could tank, businesses can go bankrupt, you may need to move or quit for personal reasons. And in the far flung future, what if you retire?

What will you do then?

I have met many people who retired and felt listless or empty. I have also met retired people who felt energized. I believe a part of it was how they identify themselves either with or without their job.

So while it’s great if you love your job and you can make a difference, but remember that you are more than your job

Something to remember.

It’s nice to do comforting, familiar things, but that is not where growth lies. It lies just outside of our comfort zone.

You must be willing walk into the uncertain and there you will find growth.

The other side to that is you don’t want to go too far outside your comfort zone either.

If you go far beyond your comfort zone, you reach a new boundary: your realm of capability. Going beyond can lead to disaster, which is why I believe we like our comfort zones. It’s a built in survival mechanism. But we will in different times than our ancestors and so we can walk a different path…if we choose to.

When you push your comfort zone, you must be willing to be wrong. Notice I didn’t say “you want to be wrong.” But you have to be willing to be wrong, even if it’s just a small chance. That’s what it means to push your comfort zone.

If you didn’t think you could be wrong, then it’s something you know you can do and this is within your comfort zone

That chance of uncertainty is what leads to feelings of discomfort.

The cool thing is that as you push past your comfort zone, your comfort zone expands along with you as now you know you can do something that weren’t completely sure before.

Or you make a mistake (that’s okay) and then learn from it, making you better than who you were before. And with that, you expand your realm of capability.

And so, the more you lean into discomfort, the more you will grow

I’ve read a lot about stress and how bad it is for you. I agree…to an extent. Chronic stress is bad. Being constantly stressed can deteriorate your health. But I think there’s a secret to managing stress.

This is my working hypothesis…stress is all about how you interpret the events in your environment.

There is a thin line between fear and excitement, and I believe it is all about how you perceive things

A simple example is a roller coaster. I believe that people generally feel the same on a rollercoaster. The G force and the twists and turns create an undeniable physiological response. However, some people can hate it and others love it. I believe we start similarly in the same state but how we interpret and regulate ourselves creates a cascade that lead to the spectrum of responses to the roller coaster ride.

Can you change your perception of things from “oh no, this is happening to me” to “oh boy, I get to do this!”?

I think it’s possible, but it’s not easy. I think it’s how you interpret things.

I think a key tenet is the self belief of “I can do this.” It is the fear that you can’t that creates bad stews. Instead of feeling afraid of failure, can you feel excitement of opportunity?

If you didn’t know how to cook, instead of “oh no, I don’t know how to make an omelet” you could reframe it as “oh cool, I can learn how to make an omelet.” You could go further and think “once I learn to make an omelet I can cook it for myself or for loved ones any time I want. How cool is that?”

Perhaps this is why I get annoyed with negative people. Not that it’s inherently bad, you are allowed to live your life how you see fit, but that it sets you up for failure instead of success.

Back to the topic. Perhaps some actionable goals are to start with small things. Try to turn small annoyances to small opportunities. Instead of “I have to,” you can say “I get to.” And just like any muscle, you can build it up and be more robust

For the longest time, I would always check which pocket had my keys whenever I went to unlock the car or door. While it wasn’t a big deal, it was kind of annoying. Have you ever had your hands full and you pray to pick the right pocket and then felt frustrated when it was in the other pocket? Well, no more!

I made a change and decided to try keeping my keys in the same pocket at all times. That way. I always know where it is and reaching for it is easy. And I only need to pat one pocket to check if I have my keys. It’s been a small thing that has helped me day to day. It’s a small thing, but it’s a gem. Give it a try

Remember: progress is not linear. Typically when you first start out there’s a suck phase where you’re just not that great and then they’re a quick progression as you get into the swing of things and that feels great, but don’t let it set you up. Because after that, it can go anywhere. You could be stalling for a long time and then suddenly make a breakthrough where everything just clicks. Or you realize your progress is good, but there’s a better process, so you have to back track or relearn things. Don’t get discouraged! Progress is progress, no matter how slow or painful. And sometimes a back track is part of progress! Even when it doesn’t always feel like it. I think the better sense of progress is “are you becoming complacent?” If you feel like you are, you may not be progressing well. Progress is often uncomfortable, so the more you are comfortable with the uncomfortable, the better you’ll be

Growing up, I kind of hated learning. I studied and did well, but I did it because I was supposed to. Now that I am now longer in school and on my own, I enjoy learning. I get to look into things that I’m curious about, things that are tangible to my life. It’s a very different feeling.

Also, it is my firm belief that this mindset and act of learning new things will keep me sharper in my older years than if I did not have that learning mindset.

Since forever, I would always try to stay awake as much as I could. I would only fall asleep when my eyes were too heavy to keep open. There’s this idea that sleep is a waste of time, but that is not true. It only feels that way because we don’t know what’s going on in the background. To us, sleep is a blank span of time that we don’t do anything. However, your body is deep at work repairing the body and getting it ready for the next day.

From an evolutionary perspective, sleep is a liability. We are unconscious for 8 hours vulnerable to predators. Yet, something is going on that’s supersedes that risk. That’s how important sleep is.

“With sleep, you can make the impossible possible. Without sleep, you make the possible impossible”

We are at our best when we get enough sleep. We think faster and perform better. We also live longer! So it’s not even that if you sleep less, you get more done. You’ll get less done and die sooner than if you got proper sleep.

So instead of thinking “I have to go to bed,” think “I get to go to bed”

Now when I close my eyes, I feel for the gentle tug of sleep. If it’s present, I relax my body and allow my body to take care of itself.

Sleep is self care. Simple as that.

Change doesn’t necessarily occur with a conscious decision. I believe it is best done as a visceral decision where you feel it not just in your mind but also in your gut